Thursday, January 30, 2014

Random Thought

So often, I assume that you (Yes, "you", my dear reader -- I'm not vaguebooking about any particular someone here; I'm talking to YOU, whoever you may be)... But that's a lot of explanation, and I digress.

Start again.

So often, I assume that you have an agenda. And worse, I assume I know what that agenda is.

What makes this so horrible is that sometimes (only sometimes!) I'm actually right.So then I think I'm right the rest of the time, too, when I am more often than not horribly, horribly wrong.

As part of "growing up", we have to both learn to set boundaries where they are needed, and also to tear them down where they don't belong. Both tasks have the potential to make quite a mess of things.

Too often, I set my boundaries by filtering my horribly flawed, judgmental, and blind assumptions about your character, person, and agenda through the matrix of my broken, limited, and chaotic passions and desires, coupled with my illogical thought patterns (or -- possibly worse -- my extremely logical thought patterns), and thus love withers, hate is born of fear, and out of the evil of my heart flows loneliness, isolation, destruction, and pain for myself and those around me.

And then, searching for a salve, I attempt to justify this reviled river of refuse with utterly revolting, self-righteous rants. Platitudinous monstrosities!

As a result, you rightly avoid me, at best, either in body or in spirit.

I say "at best". Worse still, perhaps my malady -- being extremely contagious -- makes its way into your own heart!?

And so the cycle continues, feeding on itself, nourished by my -- and now your -- loneliness and fear and sickness, multiplying until the entire world is one giant seething mass of hate and bitterness and loathing and envy and jealousy -- of both self and others. Until murders and gossip and lies flow like water, and the earth itself groans to be delivered from our presence.

I need, rather, to humble myself, to refrain from the delusion that I know anything at all; I don't! Forgive me for imagining I do.

And so I strive to live life with no assumptions about anybody's motives, no judgments about their character, not even (especially not!) in my secret heart of hearts, where these kinds of demons often lurk.

I don't always succeed at this goal. More often than not, I find myself assuming things I have no right to assume, judging things I have no right to judge, pronouncing proclamations I have no right to proclaim.

Forgive me. Or don't. I still love you.

Or at least I'm learning to. 

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Hi! Feel free to comment. However, I was getting posts from different Anonymous people, and it's difficult to know who is who so I can keep the conversation straight in my head. So I'm requesting that you please bear with my weakness, and identify yourself. Even if you want to use a different name than your real name -- that's fine. But give yourself a handle for me, please. :) Thanks...